Introducing The Favourite Adopted Child
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Joshua
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So a confession - even though I was sold on the idea of adopting a child when I received the phone call to say we had been chosen to adopt this wee man I suddenly had cold feet - actually they were beyond cold - they were frozen solid! Until that moment I was so sure I could walk the journey of parenting two children with additional needs but suddenly my frozen feet refused to march on and I was too petrified to move! Thankfully the hubby who is often the voice of calm and reason in my life assured me that we could do this and so we did!
Five days after that phone call I was winging my way from Dunedin to the North Island to meet Josh. Off I went to see him and unexpectedly he came home with me that afternoon. Not a lot of time to get my head around having a week old baby. It dawned on me that afternoon when he needed his first nappy change from me that I had never had the responsibility of such a small human. Thankfully this freaking out adoptive Mum was staying at the home of a seven year old who was very competent with babies and she offered to do the change for me. Obviously that was an offer I couldn't turn down - thanks Aleshia!
Two days later we were on our way back to Dunedin for the family meeting. I shared this before but it is such a part of Josh's story I will do it again. One of the air hostesses told everyone on the plane that Josh was adopted and was going home to meet his Daddy for the first time and it was his Daddy's birthday. So on leaving the plane most of the flight crew and passengers followed and all sang happy birthday to Daddy and watched as he met his wee son for the first time. Very special.
Life with Josh has been awesome.....and challenging! What a gifted young man he is - no I am not referring to the fact I am his Mum because that goes without saying! Josh has so many interests that he is passionate about. He loves art and is an accomplished artist who has sold paintings.
Josh's art work
He is a powerlifter who has achieved in both mainstream and Special Olympic competitions. He is a great sportsman who always congratulates all competitors. He loves horse riding and swimming, he helps out monthly at his church café serving drinks to people, he loves cooking (and eating!) and he has a dream of publishing a cook book and having his own real fruit ice cream business.
Special Olympics Summer Games
We are so proud of Josh and the man he has become. It has been an interesting journey and throughout my blogs I will share some of his stories and the lessons I have gleamed along the way. For today I will leave you with this story.
On the day of his little sister's fifth birthday I had a few thing to finish off before her birthday party so I decided a trip to the Warehouse was a necessity and off the two of us went. With not much time I had decided it would be a quick trip - YEAH RIGHT!! Josh spotted a scooter and asked if he could have a try. I told him I would watch but somehow got distracted when I came across a friend and we stopped for a chat. I swear we only talked for a minute or two but in that time Josh had vanished. Searching the shop was not successful so I decided to look outside and on the way out the door I asked the security guard if he had seen a little boy on a scooter ride out the door. He said no so just for emphasis I asked him if he had seen a little boy with Down Syndrome ride out the door with a scooter. He assured me that no one would get past him on a scooter which was a huge relief for about 3 seconds when it dawned on me that perhaps he had ditched the scooter and left the building! The Warehouse in Dunedin shares a huge carpark with Pak N Save and it was with a racing heart I searched that carpark but I didn't uncover the little villain. Becoming more frantic by the minute and aware of the time I phoned home and we decided the best plan was to phone the police - just in case. After what seemed a lifetime and with so many scenarios playing in my head the police phoned to say they had found him - at the pub! Gosh why did it never occur to me that is where I should have been looking for my nine year old son! Josh had decided that testing the scooter outside the shop was a great idea. Out the door, through the carpark, down the footpath to the lights where apparently he waited for the green man before heading down the road. By the time he reached the pub he was hot and thirsty so he popped in and asked the bemused barman to give him a beer. The conversation went somewhat like this;
"Give me a beer mate - I'm hot"
"Where's your Dad?"
"Home" - as he randomly pointed off into the distance
"Where's your Mum?"
"Gone; Lost" - with a shrug of his little shoulders
"Do you know your phone number"
"111"
So the bemused barman phoned 111 and thankfully the police put the two calls together and the little villain was found. Josh thoroughly enjoyed his coke while waiting for me to turn up and his day was complete when the police arrived before me. As I arrived the policeman and Josh were heading out of the pub and the nice man told me I had a lovely son who was such a hard case. Great, I replied, I have adoption papers in my glovebox and we can arrange for him to be all yours! Well I could hardly tell the policeman I was seriously entertaining murderous thoughts at that moment. Better that he thought I was weird offering him up for adoption than the alternative!
After farewelling the policeman we headed back to the Warehouse to return the scooter and let the security guard know he had been beaten by a nine year old on a scooter! Disaster averted it was home with minutes to spare before the five year olds unicorn birthday party.
So what did I learn from this and think others may benefit from!
* never ever go shopping for last minute supplies on the day of the birthday
*never chat to friends in the warehouse!
*never underestimate how far and how fast a child can go on a scooter
*teach your child road skills at every opportunity even though you may think it will be a long time until they will use them independently
*teach your child to memorise their phone number
*teach your child to memorise your emergency number and to know when it's ok to use it - the knowing when it's ok to use it took a long time in our house
*get rid of the idea that you have to parent perfectly because your child is adopted - that somehow you must do this whole parenting thing perfectly because someone gave you the opportunity to be a parent - it's a myth and not obtainable....do your best with love - it's enough
*understand that just because someone says your son is lovely and a hard case the chance of them really wanting to adopt them is probably just wishful thinking in the moment!
* and yeah it is ok to have a good laugh when returning the stolen scooter to the rather surprised security guard.
Parenting a child with Down syndrome has taught me many things about myself and humanity; it has taught me about the challenges of parenting someone who sees life differently, who faces some barriers, and has some medical challenges; it has taught me about understanding and empathy; and mostly it has taught me that all of us have an intrinsic capacity to love and to be loved and we all desire to be known, accepted and valued for just being us. Lessons well worth having learnt.
It is a privilege having my favourite adopted child in my life although I am sure I would not have had to start dyeing my hair so young if it wasn't for him!
Fourteen years later and still enjoying a beer!
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